01 · ELIGIBILITY
Listing Requirements.
Be a cat. Have a sock on your head. The committee does not announce new constituents; it simply dresses them. Rulings are final, and purred rather than published.
02 · WEIGHTING
The Top Holding.
An orange kitten in a black knit balaclava, unbothered since inception. It has never issued guidance, held a call, or acknowledged you in any way. Weighted by dignity. Audited by staring.
03 · SECTORS
Sector Coverage.
Tube socks, cable-knit hoods, ski-mask balaclavas, and ankle socks worn ambitiously. Every major sock sector is represented. Mittens remain ineligible.
04 · METHODOLOGY
Rebalancing.
The index rebalances whenever a sock falls off. The cat is not delisted; the sock is simply put back on the head. On Wall Street they call this active management. We call it Tuesday.
05 · DISTRIBUTIONS
Dividends.
Paid quarterly, in purrs, to whoever is holding the cat at the time. Reinvestment is automatic: the cat remains on your lap and there is nothing you can do about it.
06 · DISCLOSURES
Risk Factors.
The sock may slip over the eyes during trading hours. The index has never considered this a problem, and neither should you. Additional risks include zoomies, which remain unhedged.